omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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