and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize