I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"it" just moved
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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