I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize