I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize