Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

  (360): View more from Washington

  At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

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  (206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb
  Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (2124)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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  (817): why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"? http://tfl.nu/jsyi
  Replies (12) Good night (2351) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj

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  (617): anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj http://tfl.nu/74ok
  Replies (76) Good night (6625) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care

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  (201): he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care http://tfl.nu/es4g
  Replies (14) Good night (1290) Bad night (3844) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?

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  (614): Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party? http://tfl.nu/rikb
  Replies (52) Good night (12669) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

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  (636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle" http://tfl.nu/m65a
  Replies (17) Good night (6993) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him

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  (304): His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him http://tfl.nu/2mpu
  Replies (15) Good night (3361) Bad night (1799) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

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  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8468) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.

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  (404): boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am. http://tfl.nu/8njg
  Replies (6) Good night (996) Bad night (3212) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth

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  (512): We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth http://tfl.nu/5znv
  Replies (5) Good night (507) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits

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  (913): My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits http://tfl.nu/sxpe
  Replies (7) Good night (1612) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."

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  (818): Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right." http://tfl.nu/w7y1
  Replies (7) Good night (577) Bad night (1219)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.

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  (518): Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors. http://tfl.nu/nr6l
  Replies (2) Good night (977) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.

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  (+44): Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face. http://tfl.nu/j54i
  Replies (8) Good night (2183) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may

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  (303): Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may http://tfl.nu/mwgs
  Replies (1) Good night (373) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt

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