my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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