I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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