and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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