I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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