I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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