well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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