You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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