It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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