I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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