I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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