I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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