I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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