I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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