alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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