I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize