there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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