Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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