You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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