just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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