Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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