the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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