Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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