Just fell off a train. Bad.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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