I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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