I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize