The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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