I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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