Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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