i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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