i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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