He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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