I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize