I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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