i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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