$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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