Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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