Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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