so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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