I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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