He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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