took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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