I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize