Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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