I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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